Recently I had a really bad day. I was overwhelmed and under appreciated and frustrated. I asked God, "Is it worth it? Is all the diaper changes, tears, cleaning, mothering, etc. worth it. Is it really worth it?" This question has continued to be on my mind. (Now before anyone worries that I am having major doubts about myself or the path that I am on let me say that I know I am where I need to be. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, I know in my soul that this is worth it but I want that knowledge to grow. I want it to make sense in my head. I want to feel it and to not question it. I want the knowledge and not just the faith.)
I have also been studying the Atonement. Studying how Christ gave everything He had, His whole life, soul, heart to us. This made me wonder "Was it worth it?" Did Christ feel, after He performed the Atonement and died for all of us, that His sacrifice was worth it to Himself?" So was/is Christ happy?
We are told that the only thing we can truly give to the Lord is ourselves. Everything else is already His. That we have to give of ourselves freely, He will not take it from us. The idea of giving everything to Him I struggle with, as I think most human beings do. If we give Him ourselves it means our time, energy, freedom, dreams, desires, our very soul. The natural man in me is hesitant to do that. I can feel the struggle in my soul as I ponder my options. And yet I know what path I am going to choose. That is easy. I am going to keep moving in the direction I started when I came to this earth, probably the direction I started before I came to this earth. I am going to and have chosen my Savior, my Heavenly Father's plan.
I do believe it is worth it. I have faith that it is worth it or else I would not have come this far. I would not have made the decisions to have children if I did not believe and have faith that it is worth it. I feel like the decision I made to be a mother 5 times is testimony that I have turned my life over to my Heavenly Father. I would not have done this unless He asked. And He did, every time. To me that proves that I am giving my soul to Him. It is not the plan I had for my life. I am not following my own path and it is too late to change my mind now.
But I ask, "Is it worth it?" Will this bring me happiness and joy? Can I experience true happiness and joy in this life and as a mother? Can I find joy in my children? Can I feel that my choice to be a mother is worth it? Will this be something I struggle with for the rest of my life and only feel that joy once I am on the other side? Or will I be able to feel in this life that I made the right decision; that it can bring me joy in this life and that it really is worth it now and will be worth it later as well?
I know that I will have experiences and moments that will help me realize that it is worth it. I don't believe that I will all of the sudden know the answer to this question. But I have faith that over time as I continue to study, pray, and life life to the best of my ability that I will receive an answer and that my heart and soul will be satisfied. I testify of this in the name of MY Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
I have also been studying the Atonement. Studying how Christ gave everything He had, His whole life, soul, heart to us. This made me wonder "Was it worth it?" Did Christ feel, after He performed the Atonement and died for all of us, that His sacrifice was worth it to Himself?" So was/is Christ happy?
We are told that the only thing we can truly give to the Lord is ourselves. Everything else is already His. That we have to give of ourselves freely, He will not take it from us. The idea of giving everything to Him I struggle with, as I think most human beings do. If we give Him ourselves it means our time, energy, freedom, dreams, desires, our very soul. The natural man in me is hesitant to do that. I can feel the struggle in my soul as I ponder my options. And yet I know what path I am going to choose. That is easy. I am going to keep moving in the direction I started when I came to this earth, probably the direction I started before I came to this earth. I am going to and have chosen my Savior, my Heavenly Father's plan.
I do believe it is worth it. I have faith that it is worth it or else I would not have come this far. I would not have made the decisions to have children if I did not believe and have faith that it is worth it. I feel like the decision I made to be a mother 5 times is testimony that I have turned my life over to my Heavenly Father. I would not have done this unless He asked. And He did, every time. To me that proves that I am giving my soul to Him. It is not the plan I had for my life. I am not following my own path and it is too late to change my mind now.
But I ask, "Is it worth it?" Will this bring me happiness and joy? Can I experience true happiness and joy in this life and as a mother? Can I find joy in my children? Can I feel that my choice to be a mother is worth it? Will this be something I struggle with for the rest of my life and only feel that joy once I am on the other side? Or will I be able to feel in this life that I made the right decision; that it can bring me joy in this life and that it really is worth it now and will be worth it later as well?
I know that I will have experiences and moments that will help me realize that it is worth it. I don't believe that I will all of the sudden know the answer to this question. But I have faith that over time as I continue to study, pray, and life life to the best of my ability that I will receive an answer and that my heart and soul will be satisfied. I testify of this in the name of MY Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.
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