Thornton Mom

I have been doing a lot of contemplating lately.  To begin with I am experiencing some PMDD so this may be some of the reason for my mood.  I have been grumpy with my children and they can’t seem to do anything right and are a huge annoyance.  I know that when I feel this way it I am not fully myself.  But I have also learned that this is the time the Lord uses to teach me. Monday my Uncle and Aunt and two of their kids came to visit us.  I was a little frustrated and overwhelmed that they were coming at such a busy time when I should be getting ready to drive to Utah and buy a new car.  But once they arrived I was reminded how much I enjoy my uncle.  A lot of my child hood and teenage memories are with him especially when it comes to water.  He and my Aunt Ruth were almost like an older brother and sister to me.   John Derek played hard, we all did, it was nice to relax and watch a movie together. When the family did arrive I...

 What are these weird pictures of??  Derek had the brilliant idea of playing freeze tag in the dark.  We got glow necklaces and bracelets, went to the gym at the church and ran around playing freeze tag.  It was lots of fun!! Everyone laughed and participated.  It was good to have an activity that we could do together and have fun with.  Elizabeth could switch direction quickly.  Samantha's laugh was contagious.  John Derek was the hardest to catch, Maddie brought along her bunny and kept trying to "freeze" the bunny.  Michael kept tagging everyone even though he was not it. The Atonement: Our Greatest Hope James E. Faust “During  those  long, prayerful  moments  …  I  tapped  into  a  life giving  source  of  comfort  from  my  loving  Heavenly  Father.  I  sense  that  he  was  not  standing  by  ...

For my mom's 60th birthday she sent us presents.  We received a "party in a box."  The kids loved the party and celebrating with her. My mom wrote a book about her testimony of Christ.  My kids loved turning the pages and reading the quotes highlighted throughout.  What a great mom I have.  She even give US a gift on HER birthday!!  Totally unselfish. Our Savior's Atonement By Elder M. Russell Ballard March 2, 2016 "Roles such as father, mother, and missionary seldom receive standing ovations. Fathers, mothers, and missionaries “play” before very small audiences. Yet, in the eyes of the Lord, there may be only  one  size of audience that is of lasting importance—and that is just  one,  each one, you and me, and each  one  of the children of God. The irony of the Atonement is that it is infinite and eternal, yet it is applied individually, one person at a time." This is something I need to remember.  Tha...

After my "time out" the previous evening we watched a movie entitled Mom's Night Out , produced by the same people as Courageous , and War Room .  The movie was delightful.  It made me laugh so hard, touched my heart to it's core, helped me ponder and realize some of what my perfectionism is, helped me feel loved.  I felt like the writers of this movie reached into my brain and my life and portrayed it on the screen.  It was truly delightful. The following scene was the most poignant in the movie.  I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I realized that the reason I had had such a bad night was being discussed and a new way of thinking given.  I highly recommend this movie to all mother's out there!! As I listened to his words I was reminded of the words I was told in the temple, that I am enough! I was reminded that my Father in Heaven is not expecting me to be like the other mothers I think my kids need but to be me, that He gave them t...

Seeing Aunt KoKo laying on the ground in her Sunday Best and playing cars with Michael and Maddie. John Derek keeping Michael happy and giving him lots of piggy back rides as we go see Elizabeth play Basketball. Maddie climbing on a rock and so excited to run and play. Michael falling asleep in my arms while I told him stories of Jesus. Going into Elizabeth's room after an argument with a prayer in my heart. She immediately opens up about school and friends. As I encourage prayer and scripture study examples of how Heavenly Father is helping her quickly come into my mind. A true friend from Aspen Grove, Ashley and Izzy at school, basketball going so well and her doing so good, coach Clark and her becoming friends. Whip Cream Noses Samantha offering to make dinner. Grocery store with JD, how everything was his favorite. He pushed the cart and we consulted in what dessert to get. He is growing up. When I watched Elizabeth run through the t...

The last couple of days have been difficult.  It is my time to be hormonal but so frustrating.  On top of my mental and emotional problems Samantha is having a hard time too.  She repeatedly has breakdowns and always looks forlorn.  We had an especially bad one a couple of weeks ago.  After talking to the Therapist she recommended that we get a Psychiatrist to evaluate her and maybe give her medication.  I don't love the idea of putting her on medication but I don't know what else to do. As her mother I feel very inadequate.  I think that she needs a mother who loves to snuggle and loves to pay attention to every ache and pain that she reports, but that is not the mother she has.  This morning as I was pondering over this I was reminded that she was sent to me.  That there must be something I can give her that a cuddly mother could not give her.  I don't know what that is but I hope I can find it. Yesterday I was able to go to the te...

I feel like I am trying to swim on just the surface of the water.  Below me is the cool water that I am afraid to put my feet into.  I want to say up here on the surface where the water is just a little bit warmer and familiar .  Ahead of me are obstacle and demands . . . I must keep myself afloat, I must help those around me float.  I am fearful that if I put my feet down and start to "feel" that I will loose control and sink.  But this does not allow me to support my children.  I can only help them so much when I am trying to keep myself on top of the water.  Physically I am there but emotionally I am not strong.  How I wish I had the faith that if I put my feet down I would touch the bottom and could then be the support and strength those around me need.  But I am fearful, fearful that the bottom will be too far away, that the cold will envelope me, that I will let go of any form of stability.  So I float, emotionally unavailable to ...

JD near the pond with his "walking stick" that he carried all over the property.  Saturday we went to Hope Reins and volunteered.  We began by picking up sticks around the property.  It is so beautiful there.  Michael loved finding a big pile of previously gathered sticks and taking them to the fire pit.  He was a hard worker and didn't want to stop.  Then we began our pooper scooper job.   Doing this job really laid to rest any desires of my children to own their own horse.     All the kids worked really hard.  It was good to go out and get some service done. Maddie would bring me an empty rake.  I would hand her the one that I had loaded and she would haul it to the wheelbarrow and then return for the next one.  Michael would come to me and ask for "meatballs" to put in his shovel.   Learning from General Confer...

Elizabeth finished her Middle School Volleyball year last week.  This had been a hard year for her.  New coaches, proud players, not a lot of time on the court, and all that other stuff that comes with middle school girls and life. But she did well.  She percevierd.  Her very last game she was put in at the end a long with all the younger team members and she did great.  She was able to shine, she made the winning shot, she helped the girls and encouraged them.  It was a blessing for me and her to finish the year on a positive note.  I think that Father in Heaven really blessed us to have that opportunity. My sister (who is an amazing mother herself) sent me this article and I really did enjoy it.  Here is a section that really described how I feel about God in my life as a parent and what I am working on daily that I may come closer to Him and have Him involved continually in my life. To moms of one or two children, from a mother of f...

Several weeks ago Derek was driving to work and saw a new sign for Hope Reins . It in a new ranch admidst lost of ranches along his way to work.  But this one stood out and he looked it up when he got to work and found it is a ranch that uses horses to help children who are struggling usually with a major trama like death or abuse, etc.  He mentioned it to me and I put it in the back of my mind. A few days later I was driving to his work and saw the sign, it jumped out at me.  So I did my own research and felt that I needed to get Samantha into this program.  I wasn't sure if they would accept her as she suffers from anxiety without any major trama.  But I applied and got a call a few days later.  As the woman talked about the program I felt that this is exactly what Samantha needs.  The woman told me to bring Samantha the next day and take a tour and if she liked the horses they would allow her in the program. Samantha loved the horses and was ...