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Samantha Testimony/Depression-Perfection

Samantha has been struggling lately with finding her testimony.  She believes in God like she believed in Santa.  Finding out about Santa set her for a whirl and now she is doubting if God really does exist.

On that same note I am amazed at her stamina and her desire to find the truth.  She really is putting a lot of thought and energy into finding out.  I am confident that she will discover Him and her testimony soon.  What a great age to decide if she believes in God.  She will decide when her parents are the most influential and before her friends gain their own opinions to sway her.  I am greatly thankful for this.

A few weeks ago Samantha had lost a small stuffed animal.  She looked for it but could not find it.  She prayed and still no animal.  She was having a rough day one day and felt that God must not be real and if He is He does not love her because He had not helped her find this animal.  I prayed for strength and that evening Derek and I lifted the mattress off her bed and there was the animal.  She was delighted.

Friday night we stopped and bought a book that she really wanted to read.  By Saturday afternoon the book was lost.  She again prayed but nothing happened.  She looked, I looked, I prayed and then had a thought, "Samantha you are asking Heavenly Father for this book, what can you do show Him that you really want it?  What if you read your scriptures?  Sometimes that is when He talks to us."

She did not like this idea and sulked off.  The next day after school she again became discouraged and went upstairs and began reading her scriptures.  After a while she came down and I offered to help her look in the playroom as we cleaned it.  Sure enough she found the book hiding under other books and toys.  I told her, "See if Heavenly Father had answered your prayer right away you never would have read your scriptures.  But because He didn't answer it right away you read your scriptures like He wanted.  He always has a plan for how He answers our prayers and it is even better than our plan."


I was so grateful for this learning experience and how Heavenly Father is helping her learn how He works so that as she grows she will know from past experience how to trust and have faith in Him.
"43  The spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame, even as we now are at this time; and we shall be brought to stand before God, knowing even as we know now, and have a bright recollection of all our guilt.

44  Now, this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but every thing shall be restored to its perfect frame, as it is now, or in the body, and shall be brought and be arraigned before the bar of Christ the Son, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit, which is one Eternal God, to be judged according to their works, whether they be good or whether they be evil."
I look forward to this time. When my body will be made whole, in its perfect form. When the hormones that cause my depression will be perfect and I will no longer have to fight the depression fight.

Depression has helped me have more sympathy and kindness for others. I have also learned that there are two parts to me. There is my physical and my spiritual parts. When I don't feel "myself" I know it is my physical self that feels this way. I can't get away from it but I can desperate it knowing that it will not last forever. I can work with it and take more times outs, exercise more, read scriptures more, keep my mouth shut, sleep more, attend the temple, and wait for the depression to end. I realize that I am not my symptoms of depression. That I have my own voice and my own soul.

I still make mistakes, I still succumb sometimes, but I am freer than I was last year and my family is in a better place than it was a year ago.

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