Today I was enjoying talking to my mom on the phone as I drove to the temple. She asked me, "How are you doing?" Without thinking I replied, "Great!" That answer caught me off guard. Over the past several months if someone asked me how I was doing I would reply a half hearted, "fine." But today I replied "Great," which had been my common answer for years of my life. I had noticed that it was gone for a while, I just couldn't lie to people, I was not great.
As I pondered this statement today I thought of several things that have made me "Great!"
As I pondered this statement today I thought of several things that have made me "Great!"
- My Heavenly Father loves me. He is happy with who I am. Yes He is guiding me in my change to be a better person but He loves me. The other day I was reminded of some special experiances I had had that let me know He is aware of me and loves me. I was reminded that "I am enough." When I am about to give myself a hard time for not doing or being _____ I remind myself that "I am enough." Then I can move on with the right frame of mind.
- Derek loves me!! He is so supportive and kind. The knowledge that he loves me for who I am is empowering. He doesn't get mad at me for anything, even if I am mad at myself. He continually reminds me that he loves me. He is grateful for me and thinks that I am better than him, when I know he is better than me. He is strong in the gospel and is my best friend. I love being with him and know I can always count on his love.
- I am reading my scriptures and writing in my blog daily. Usually it is sporadic but I have been getting up early everyday to spend quiet time with my Father in Heaven before my family gets up. When I am tempted to stay in bed I remind myself that if I put Him first He will make the rest of my day work out. Just this knowledge gives me the willpower to get out of bed and onto my knees.
- My medication is working. I have spent the past month not getting depressed or angry. Feeling good about myself. I went a whole month feeling that way. I haven't done that for years.
- I am seeing a therapist. I don't think anything earth shattering has happened because of her but it is nice to get another's opinion, ideas, encouragement. She has given me good ideas, encouraged good practicies and behaviors, and is happy with how I am doing.
- I am enjoying Flylady. She reminds me that I am not broken and that I don't need to put myself down or try to do everything all at once. I am seeing progress. Almost every morning when I come down to a clean kitchen I take a deep breath and smile. My day has already started great!!
- My therapist and Flylady (as well as friends and family) have encouraged me to take time for myself. So I started listening to my favorite music (Country) and reading novels. I am amazed how much more lighthearted I am. How I want to accomplish things so that I can have some free time to read. And I do enjoy it.
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