Today I am not as calm as I was a few days ago. I still feel the blessing of peace in my soul but the rest of me is getting agitated and anxious. I don't know if it is the medication. I have not been the best at taking it on a consistent basis in the hopes that maybe I could stop taking it but as soon as I started to feel this uneasiness come upon me I took it.
I also am frustrated with my period. It is two weeks late. I took another pregnancy test today and was relieved that it was negative. I just would like to know what is going on with my body.
I also want to start a diet but don't know where to start. I feel that I need a program but don't know what program to use. I fell lost.
I feel busy and stressed, that I can't get anything done. The laundry is piling up, there are piles of stuff all over the house. My cleaning lady came today and that usually helps but seeing all the piles that she could not clean up got me feeling overwhelmed.
Then there is so much that needs to be done. Samantha needs braces and that takes a lot of time and money. She needs acupuncture but that again takes time and money. She needs a new psychiatrist but I don't even know where to look. And a horse therapy place again, time and money.
Not to mention that we have a dog. And guess who gets to take care of and train the dog? I have decided that I need to take the dog to a place and train with her but you guessed it time and money. This week I am feeling claustrophobic with the dog. I look for reasons to stay away from the house so I don't have to come back and be with the dog. She doesn't like me and I don't know what to do with her. When I am home I am not alone, I loved that time when I didn't need to worry about anything but myself. It was such a great taste of freedom, but now I have to worry about the dog and that is frustrating. I do feel like I lost my alone time and now I can't be alone.
Derek and I have not been able to go on a date and I really miss him. We only have a few minutes to spend together and he is so busy. He is drowning in all that he has going on so I don't really have him even when he is home. And he leaves for Ireland in a couple of days and then will probably go again in March. I am not looking forward to either time he is away. I am grateful that I do feel the Savior's arm strengthen me when he is gone and I have faith that it will be strengthened again.
Elizabeth is never happy with me. No matter what I do it is not enough and I am expecting too much of her in her mind and not doing enough for her either.
John Derek is just mad and I don't know why. it is so hard to get him to do anything I know will be good for him like reading, piano, cleaning, eating green food, etc. He is just frequently mad.
Maddie doesn't want to go to school because she is worried about her spelling tests. And I have to be on her back with timers to get her to move anywhere. And we are not getting her homework done. We are being such bad examples.
Michael is addicted to the TV. He is always watching and I don't know what else to do with him.
I am always tired,. I am fat, and have no energy.
Man can you tell I am hormonal. Maybe my period will start soon and maybe the medicine will kick in. I have faith that I'm better than I was and that this will pass soon.
I am grateful for good friends who have been down the road with their kids and can give me advice and help me see that I am not alone and that there is hope for my children's future.
I am grateful for an amazing husband and the Love the at he shows me. He is so supportive and sacrifices so much for me and the family. He never gets down time, I am always in awe of him.
I am so grateful for my faith What a blessing to have a loving Father in Heaven who helps me with all the things going on in my life even if I don't recognize they are from Him. I am grateful for my Savior who made it possible to be forgiven of my sins. What a blessing to have Him in my life and to have the faith and knowledge of His role and His sacrifice.
I am grateful for Elizabeth and how she is so kind to others. She always is thinking about how she can help others. She has a wonderful and amazing heart.
Samantha is so sweet. She comes over and offers to help with dinner. She has a heart that sees pain and she immediately will go and sympathize and help the little guy.
John Derek loves to play and has such a good posy of boys that hang out with him. He has a great heart and always wants to make those around him happy.
Maddison has a great smile and loves to read. Tonight we were reading books together and it was just a delight. She has an amazing fascination with language. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up as an English major.
Michael is sweet, he loves to snuggle and give kisses. After he watches TV he can get grumpy but if I will take the time to read him a book he is usually pretty good and cooperating with me.
I am grateful for me. I am grateful that I have faith in a loving Father in Heaven. I am grateful that I keep trying, that I keep waking up and moving forward and not giving up. I am grateful for a heart that has learned to recognize the Lord talking to me.
Now I am getting tired and think I will sleep, with the knowledge that it will all work out.
I also am frustrated with my period. It is two weeks late. I took another pregnancy test today and was relieved that it was negative. I just would like to know what is going on with my body.
I also want to start a diet but don't know where to start. I feel that I need a program but don't know what program to use. I fell lost.
I feel busy and stressed, that I can't get anything done. The laundry is piling up, there are piles of stuff all over the house. My cleaning lady came today and that usually helps but seeing all the piles that she could not clean up got me feeling overwhelmed.
Then there is so much that needs to be done. Samantha needs braces and that takes a lot of time and money. She needs acupuncture but that again takes time and money. She needs a new psychiatrist but I don't even know where to look. And a horse therapy place again, time and money.
Not to mention that we have a dog. And guess who gets to take care of and train the dog? I have decided that I need to take the dog to a place and train with her but you guessed it time and money. This week I am feeling claustrophobic with the dog. I look for reasons to stay away from the house so I don't have to come back and be with the dog. She doesn't like me and I don't know what to do with her. When I am home I am not alone, I loved that time when I didn't need to worry about anything but myself. It was such a great taste of freedom, but now I have to worry about the dog and that is frustrating. I do feel like I lost my alone time and now I can't be alone.
Derek and I have not been able to go on a date and I really miss him. We only have a few minutes to spend together and he is so busy. He is drowning in all that he has going on so I don't really have him even when he is home. And he leaves for Ireland in a couple of days and then will probably go again in March. I am not looking forward to either time he is away. I am grateful that I do feel the Savior's arm strengthen me when he is gone and I have faith that it will be strengthened again.
Elizabeth is never happy with me. No matter what I do it is not enough and I am expecting too much of her in her mind and not doing enough for her either.
John Derek is just mad and I don't know why. it is so hard to get him to do anything I know will be good for him like reading, piano, cleaning, eating green food, etc. He is just frequently mad.
Maddie doesn't want to go to school because she is worried about her spelling tests. And I have to be on her back with timers to get her to move anywhere. And we are not getting her homework done. We are being such bad examples.
Michael is addicted to the TV. He is always watching and I don't know what else to do with him.
I am always tired,. I am fat, and have no energy.
Man can you tell I am hormonal. Maybe my period will start soon and maybe the medicine will kick in. I have faith that I'm better than I was and that this will pass soon.
I am grateful for good friends who have been down the road with their kids and can give me advice and help me see that I am not alone and that there is hope for my children's future.
I am grateful for an amazing husband and the Love the at he shows me. He is so supportive and sacrifices so much for me and the family. He never gets down time, I am always in awe of him.
I am so grateful for my faith What a blessing to have a loving Father in Heaven who helps me with all the things going on in my life even if I don't recognize they are from Him. I am grateful for my Savior who made it possible to be forgiven of my sins. What a blessing to have Him in my life and to have the faith and knowledge of His role and His sacrifice.
I am grateful for Elizabeth and how she is so kind to others. She always is thinking about how she can help others. She has a wonderful and amazing heart.
Samantha is so sweet. She comes over and offers to help with dinner. She has a heart that sees pain and she immediately will go and sympathize and help the little guy.
John Derek loves to play and has such a good posy of boys that hang out with him. He has a great heart and always wants to make those around him happy.
Maddison has a great smile and loves to read. Tonight we were reading books together and it was just a delight. She has an amazing fascination with language. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up as an English major.
Michael is sweet, he loves to snuggle and give kisses. After he watches TV he can get grumpy but if I will take the time to read him a book he is usually pretty good and cooperating with me.
I am grateful for me. I am grateful that I have faith in a loving Father in Heaven. I am grateful that I keep trying, that I keep waking up and moving forward and not giving up. I am grateful for a heart that has learned to recognize the Lord talking to me.
Now I am getting tired and think I will sleep, with the knowledge that it will all work out.
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